Transition from Shadow Artist to Spotlight
What feels like self-protection can be self-sabotage in disguise. Have you declined opportunities or followed a dead end path in an attempt to save yourself from disappointment? The crumbs of a creative life will never be satisfying, but the way to protect our artist selves isn’t as tough as you fear. If you’ve been living on the sidelines, stepping out isn’t any tougher than what you’re already dealing with, you’re strong enough, I’m certain. But, it does take a different set of skills. To navigate the perils of “poisonous playmates,” perfectionism, and negative core beliefs, we’ll have to be kind to our inner artist and bravely put an end to further harm. The good news: we don’t have to do it perfectly, and it’s a road paved with play.
“We are going to make things that are ugly. We are going to make stuff that is not what we wanted. And, we’re not always going to know what choice to make. But, if we continue to make choices, we continue to practice, we continue to move through? You’re gonna be golden.”
ASK MOLLY
QUESTION
“I don't know what I don't know. Is my writing working or is not working? Is it amazing or not amazing? Right now only two people are reading my writing. They both offer me support and provide good notes but what if I'm making mistakes or somehow missing my mark?”
ANSWER
It takes time (sometimes more than we want to spend), trial and error, taking chances on different ideas and just getting them on the page to get a feel for what type of writing is natural for you, and what the strengths and weaknesses may be. As you develop your craft and voice as a writer, try to release concerns about whether or not you are making something “good,” as you create. There’s no rush to excellence, and trying to rush there unfortunately doesn’t help.
A couple of allies to look at your work can be helpful as you develop your own sense of what you like. At some points, you may not agree with someone else's perception or input on your work and that can help you grow too. When that happens, take a step back and ask, does this bug me because there's some truth to it? And if so, how can I change my writing to make my vision closer to what comes out in the writing? And if you have the impulse to stick to your guns and reject some input, then that may help you understand what your point of view, intent, and audience are for a piece.
TEXT EXCAVATION
SHADOW ARTISTS
Cameron writes that artists love other artists. I agree, and I love the sentiment. But there’s a sneaky issue if you’re an artist who loves other artists, but you’re not accessing your creative self. Unfortunately, being adjacent to creativity is not the same as being a maker. If you’re not sure if the idea of creative blocks apply to you, here’s a potential litmus test. Do you ever find yourself getting close to the arts and creators in personal or professional relationships instead of practicing your creativity? I certainly have. But why does this happen?
Whether you grew up in a family where creativity was praised or punished, you’ve likely absorbed some negative messaging about artists over time. If you did happen to receive some discouraging words, or even just a lack of creative encouragement from an early age, you probably haven’t witnessed yourself embodying your creative self.
Without proof of this part of our identity to put stock into, we can easily linger further and further from our own dreams. We may even make the mistake of being hard on ourselves as if this will propel us to take action, but instead, we end up more discouraged.
All of these beliefs, ideas, and ways of being are the makings of a shadow artist—a creator living on the sidelines. So how do we move from shadow into the light?
REVISE CORE NEGATIVE BELIEFS
It’s easy to get stuck in either/or thinking that keeps us locked into our current trajectories. Our beliefs that this or that are mutually exclusive can even prevent us from seeing opportunities when they tap us on the shoulder. A common negative belief you’re likely engaged with on some level is perfectionism. Perfectionism wants us to do things right the first time and doesn’t allow the freedom we need to try and fail. Perfectionism says that one should reach a goal and then achieve consistent success, but this is not the way of creative process nor the way of creative career. Expecting ourselves to operate in a realm of perfectionism leads to a lot of extra heartbreak and eventually makes you want to just give up.
If we can begin to embrace being bad at things and pursuing them anyway—we may find other scripts we can flip for increased ease and creativity. Gaining the beliefs that will set you free starts with knowing exactly what limits you. The morning pages are a tool that may help you begin to notice and call BS on ideas you hold about what is possible for you. Once you’ve got hold of the exactly language your inner critic or “practical” sounding self uses against you—you’ll be able to reimagine it into a new belief or affirmation that denies the myth that had you fooled.
PROTECT YOUR PURSUITS
Embracing our creative selves and artistic pursuits can bring up a lot of resistance, and it’s not all in our heads. As enthusiasm and confidence around your writing life strengthen, you may notice your fantasy of protected creative time doesn’t match your reality.
If you’ve been avoiding your creativity by playing support to everyone else, you may find it a bit sticky to give up that role. That stickiness may even come from you. Watch out for “Yes’s” you give when you know you’re tired, busy, or were planning to go on Artist’s Date at the exact time of the request. Saying “No” to others can take a lot of practice. It can also be the only way to preserve your creative practice.
RESOURCES & NEXT STEPS
Assignments from Chapter One:
Journal about 1-3 specific “Creative Injuries” that you have sustained. When were you unseen, misunderstood, neglected or thwarted?
Journal about your “Creative Champions.” Reflect on moments and individuals who have validated your creative self-worth.
Check out the writing and music of Ellen Adams, the originator of the creative report card.
Assignment from Chapter Two: Where does your time go? Track what you do (for real) for a whole week. Identify your 5 major activities from the week and reflect on how well they do or don’t suit your aims.
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